Girl Talk

A peek into egyptian psyche

2008-06-15T13:55:00.004+03:00

When I was younger, I devoured Naguib Mahfouz's books. How he wrote was magical to me. He painted a picture with his words, a very clear picture of Egypt in the early 20th century. I enjoyed imagining how egyptians lived, talked and behaved.

My father always raved about what a genious he was and although I ADORED his books, I never understood why dad was over excited about him.

I understood recently.

I now understand how he knew the egyptian psyche inside out. And what amazes me more is that this psyche hasn't changed in 100 years.

I realized that when I met my boyfriend's mother. She is from lebanese origins but strikes me as a typical egyptian. And no don't have the typical lebanese image in head. She looks egyptian. veiled, huge and as dad described her "smelly", she smelled ok though... I had nothing against her and like I've been taught I embrace people for who they are and how they treat me. She was nice to me and I appreciated that. So I don't really care how her odor looked like.

But then she talked to A., my boyfriend, about me. And she didnt say the nicest things. In a way she said I was not worthy to be with him and other things that were quite hurtfull. So now I have every right to call her smelly and other things I will only repeat in my head.

Her main objection was that she "doesn't know who I am" meaning she doesn't know who my family is and how much they have. The latter being the more important. I think she would be very pleased if my father were a wealthy drug dealer more than a middle class pharmacist.

Her objection would have made sense if SHE were from a well known, wealthy family. Like her husband's. But she's not. Her family is LOWER middle class. Her inlaws weren't very happy with her and they absolutely objected to the union. But the two love birds did get married inspite of everything. And now she considers herself from a "wealthy" family.
I thought she would be the most supportive but she... wasn't...

How that relates to Naguib Mahfouz? In the trilogy Ismail the oldest son marries a prostetute, Zeinab (ANNOUNCEMENT: IN NO WAY I AM SAYING THAT MY, perhaps, FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW IS A PROSTETUTE, IN NO WAY WHAT SO EVER) and after a few years when one of the family girls was getting married she said with much confidence and certainty "Be sure to check him out. The most important thing is his "origin"". Everyone in the family room was speechless, you're a prostetute for crying out loud, how can YOU talk about "origin"?

I think that Naguib Mahfouz used an extereme to show this character. And i believe that it's exactly like my bf's mother. She just "forgot" who she really is.

Yup I'm Back

2008-04-19T17:09:00.001+02:00

Why do I always fall for the unbalanced????
I mean how hard would it be to fall for a normal guy? Someone without all the emotional kalaki3… Why can't I, for once, be in a relationship that doesn't require elaborate and complicated mind games?

I know normal is a loose concept. Who is normal? And what is normal? Who can define normal? And why would I be seeking normal? Normal is bland, tasteless, boring. And I'm an easily bored person, I'm not easily amused and what amuses me today definitely won't in two days.
So normal will never do it for me. I have had many advances from normal people that I, without thought, refused. It's a no brainer for me.

Thus I find myself in this situation today. I am with an emotionally impaired guy. And I'm whining about it. Mind you I knew all his unresolved issues from the very beginning, he warned me. Isn't it sweet? And I like the fool I am, not only accepted it, but also welcomed it. I can fix him. I will be his savior. The one he will always be grateful to. I will release him from all his unresolved issues and lingering pain. I will be his personal Mother Theresa. And also there's the issue of falling in love with him…. But that's beside the point. Let's rationalize this matter without any emotions involved.

From the beginning I told him I need care and attention. I'm spoiled and I get what I want. I wanted him, so I got him… Simple…. Now he is boldly doing what my ex did to deserve this prefix. He is ignoring me. Doesn't answer my calls, doesn't reply to my text messages. I haven't seen him in two weeks and we have officially been together for one month. That's not normal, is it? I mean the first few months are supposed to be the happiest. It's the time where we can't stand being apart from each other, can't keep our hands off each other. But the opposite is happening. I haven't seen him in two weeks, TWO fucking weeks. I call, and call, and call… I leave a dizillion missed call, and nothing, no response, no reaction. I text. I text lovey dovey messages, what-is happening-in-my-boring-day messages, proposals of outings. And what do I get? Silence… Complete and utter silence. And after a while I feel like a big nagger, pushy and sticky. Who wants to be with someone like that? So I back off. And he calls. Of course he has an explanation for every call he missed and every un-replied text. He tells me how much he misses me, and how much he wishes he could be with me everyday. And I believe him. I let it slip. I tell myself that I'm acting like a spoiled brat…..

But it happens again.

He has a demanding job, and so do I. We don't have much time to see each other. And every night after work we don't have any energy to do anything. I know that, I'm very aware of it. But I have the time and energy to at least call, to show him how much I care about him. And I know it doesn't take THAT much time or energy, that is if that person means enough to you…. And apparently I don't…

Missing Egypt

2007-02-16T23:15:00.000+02:00

In the past few weeks I made a few new friends. One of them is an egyptian canadian who lived all his life in Canada but came to Egypt for university. I know, Egypt is not the number one in University education but my guess is his parents wanted him to live in a more "conservative" society. Yeah, right.

He is returning to Canada next year. So out of curiosity I asked:
"Sotell me what is the thing you will miss most about Egypt"
Him "Nothing"
Me "That can't be right. There has to be at least one thing you'll miss"
Him "Nope, not really"
Me "Wow you spent 5 years in a place and you won't miss anything at all?"
Him "Exactly"

This conversation got me thinking about the things I will miss in Egypt as a country without including family and friends.

1- Felouka:
I love the idea of felouka (little sail boat). Sailing in the middle of Cairo, finding a strange calmness in all the madness of the capital. Parking is a bitch, that's true. But after those 2 hours I feel like it's all worth it. I usually go with friends spending all the time taking pictures, great souvenirs. And I think it's also very romantic, I've never been on a date there but I think it's an amaizing idea.

2- Wallking in korba
Korba is an area in Heliopolis. It's supposed to be the market for the neighbourhood. I adore it. I love the feel of the place. I love the shops; the cafes, the florist, the bookshops,... simply all of it. It's architecture is a mix between islamic and european, it has a strange ancient but hip feel to it. Nothing beats it.

3- Strangers
Once my car broke in the middle of a very busy street. I had just got my licence and I had no idea what to do. An old guy got out of his car and gave me water and a truck driver opened the hood and the thing was boiling, he was risking his life I'm serious. They don't know who I am and didn't wait for a thank you, they did that because they can. How amaizing is that?

I'm sure there is more I'll miss but these are my top 3.

Me

2006-11-15T23:25:00.000+02:00

I hate the world today

You're so good to me

I know but I can't change

Tried to tell you

But you look at me like maybe

I'm an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried

Must have been relieved to see

The softer side

I can understand how you'd be so confused

I don't envy you

I'm a little bit of everything

All rolled into one

[Chorus:]

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am

This may mean

You'll have to be a stronger man

Rest assured that

When I start to make you nervous

And I'm going to extremes

Tomorrow I will change

And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out

The season's already changing

I think it's cool, you do what you do

And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease

I'm a goddess on my knees

When you hurt, when you suffer

I'm your angel undercover

I've been numb, I'm revived

Can't say I'm not alive

You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Meredith Brooks - Bitch

Wow

2006-10-18T01:23:00.000+02:00

What is the matter with me?
Is it a new perfume or somethig?
I got a marriage proposal today. I turned him down, but it was hard. I like the guy, friendship like. His sister is my friend and I hate things when they get awkward.

The funny thing is I thought for about a milli second about saying yes. He's a good guy in a very good job, good family and all the reasonable things that lead to a yes. But, hello, not ready for a relationship is a key word here.

And, and he didn't say " I like you can we date?" he actually said "Let's do wedding invitations together" you should have seen my face expressions, priceless.

I'm amused, flattered and disturbed at the same time.

Me, married. Can you imagine? I can't

2006-10-16T23:21:00.000+02:00

I've been writing this blog for over a year. I started it to have a free space to simply be me. It hasn't helped. There were so many thoughts I didn't include, opinions I didn't share and views I didn't express. Why? Maybe because I was afraid of being judged based upon them. I rathered be the cute little girl in cyber space as well instead of really being who I am.

So lately writing became a form of acting. I'm a very good actress in real life. But after a while I felt that the blog became a burden like my everyday life where I stopped being me. In a way the blog lost it's main function.

Then this summer came and brought with it all the highs and lowa I could ever imagine. I broke up with my boyfriend, said goodbye to my best friend for God knows how long, I was about to start the last year of my university where I have to make so many life changing decisions. But, I also worked and discovered where I want my career to head, I saw my best friend get married and it was the most amazing night of my life. I was spoiled rotten by my aunt for three weeks where I shopped till I dropped. I met the cutest guy who just didn't stop flirting with me. I discovered a close friend in a guy I considered an acquaintance. I felt loved and admired. I was sexy, not just cute. Three guys wanted to go out with me, I turned them all down because I'm not ready for another relationship now. Did I grow up this summer? No, I just let me be me...

I still have so much to discover and so much to know. Not everything about me will please everybody, but I simply don't care anymore.

20 random things about me

2006-08-05T21:38:00.000+03:00

1- I'm not a phone friendly person. I don't call my friends on the phone... don't know why
2-I have to listen to music while studying. If I don't, I can't concentrate.
3-I like to go out with my mom. Have a late brunch or watch a movie.
4-I thought that being an engineer is what I'm gonna be after I graduate, now I'm not sure.
5-I'm very spoiled by every member of my family
6- I'm can be very lazy .
7- I always make the same mistake twice before learning.
8- My hairdresser is one of the most important persons in my life. Seriously.
9-I'm a great actress in real life, but freeze in front of any camera.
10-My first crush was Prince Eric from the little mermaid. Until now I hope I can find a man like him.
11- If I put my mind to it I can finish any book in 2 days.
12- I love going out with my mom. Go watch a movie or have a bite, she's a fun person to hang around with.
13-I love buying clothes, but I hate the process of looking for them.
14- The worst movie I've ever seen was "Birth" by Nicole Kidman.
15- My greatest fear is to become a bad mom.
16- If I had a good career and had to choose between it and marriage. I would choose career a thousand time.
17- In my opinion the worst kind of men are the mamma's boys.
18- I love attention.
19- I'm a bit crazy and enjoy it immensely
20- I pride myself in having a "joie de vivre".

Random

2006-08-05T19:54:00.000+03:00

I'm still single and not looking. I'm very comfortable with my current situation. A few days ago I went with my best friend to finish shopping before her wedding, then returned to her home where we just sat, chatted and watched TV. I had such a good time, I returned home around 1:00 am. I couldn't have done that with my boyfriend around. I'm a bit lonely, but I rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely.
My aunt has been diagnosed with dementia. The doctor says it can be treated with medications thank God. She's been in a fast decline for some time. But no one would do anything until they see it for themselves. After a couple of incidents with my cousin and uncle, they discovered it's serious and took her for tests. I hope everything goes alright.
My best friend's wedding is in 19 days and I still don't have a dress. I'm so stressed out, not just because of the dress. It's mainly because she's leaving after the wedding to Canada. My final year in University is almost here and I have to give a serious thought about my future. And I'm running out of friends. Everything sucks.

That's it.

Worf of Wisdom

2006-07-23T13:23:00.000+03:00

Men are like computers. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The new Eve

2006-07-21T19:46:00.000+03:00

Last couple of days whitnessed big changes. I broke up with my boyfriend and startd a job.
I'm a working single... woman (not mom yet, thank God).

The break up was due to a number of small accumulated things, that with time became a huge thing. And I'm sorry but I'm not very good at ignoring the elephant in the room.
I was sad for a couple of days, but everyone I know did their best in getting me out of the mood. I have great family and friends. Maybe I'll talk about the break up later.

But I have to talk about the job. Ok it's not a job, it's just summer training. But it's amizing. Everyone is so friendly, helpful and genuinly want to help me. The atmosphere is simply beautiful. I couldn't have been luckier.

Why does it all have to happen to ME???!!

2006-07-21T19:25:00.000+03:00

Last week I went to a small resort on the Mediterranean sea to relax and spend some time with my best friend who is getting married and leaving for Canada in one month (sniff...).

Her family owns a chalet there and her uncle and aunt own villas in another resort near by. I thought it was going to be sun, fun and you know all that summery stuff. But it was the worst week ever.

My best friend's gramma had had a stroke earlier, so her son thought it would be nice if she changed and left Cairo for somewhere with cleaner air. But he was so wrong, she had 4 strokes in one week, one of them in the tongue. The poor lady couldn't speak or swallow. Upon seeing her, my frien's mom was devastated and cried the entire day.

The following day my friend's brother, his pregnant wife and little daughter came. First the kid got fever and then the wife started bleeding and we feared she might have a miscarriage. So with the tears of my friend's mother and father they left for Cairo, where they headed straight to the doctor. Mother and baby are doing fine, thank God.

Back to the granma. She went to the doctor who prescribed a certain medicine to prevent the formation of strokes (this is what I understood). But she suffered from it's side effects, she had seizers for about 5 hours. Seeing this, her son turned white, his daughter had some kind of rash and well everyone became nervous.

In the middle of all this, I became depressed. I have known these people for my entire life, they are my family. But I am here on vacation God damnit not an episode of ER.
I tried to be cheerful and tell my friend that it's ok, so she doesn't feel guilty of dragging me here, but all I wanted was to go home to my mummy....

Oh I forgot to mention that my boyfriend went to the hospital. He's ok now, but it was among that amazing week.
I never thought I might miss Cairo that much.

L'Italiano vero

2006-07-03T17:39:00.000+03:00

My earliest childhood memory about football is the final in 1994 between Italy and Brazil. I was 10. Probably the only 10 year old girl who had such enthousiasm about a football match.
The secret is I wasn't enthousiastic about the match, I was VERY enthousiastic about Italy.

I lived in Italy 2 years. They were probably the best years of my childhood.
I was different, loved, cared for. I stood out and blended in. I had so many friends, I was the teacher's pet and every parent of my friends loved me.
Back there I wanted to become a singer, a dancer and an artist. All of my thoughts were transleted into cute 6 year old drawings. Later I discover I'm tone deaf and my drawing skills freezed at my 6 year old drawings.

I'm proud of every moment I spent in Rome. Sometimes I regret returning to Egypt. Moving from a mixed school where I I had no dress code, where I first kissed a boy (on the cheeck), where I met Julia Rosa and Lorenzo Marsili and Veronica my best friends, where the biggest achievent in maths classes was to successfully cut paprs without using scisors. I left all this to a Catholic school in Egypt, all girl, strict dress code, and exams, exams exams and some more exams.

I cried in 1994 when Brazil beat Italy, to this day I hate Brazil. I cried when France has beaten Italy in 1998 and again in 2000. I have grown a little since 200 and I don't cry over a football game, but I chear Italy like I'm cheering my own country. What if Egypt and Italy played? Who will you suppor? I've been asked this question alot and my answer is Italy, coz first they will surely win and second because Italy gave me in 2 years what Egypt failed in giving me my entire life.... the chance of being me, being accepted , loved and appreciated as ME.

So no matter how bad Italy plays, no matter if they win or lose. I will be there with my Tshirt and silly hat that have their flag colors supportin, cheering, crying, praying...

I have even had a bet with my boyfriend tht they will win today over Germany. The bet is 100 L.E. Yes I am that confident (please God make them win or i'll starve for the rest of the month)

FORZA AZZURRI

A game to remember

2006-07-02T00:39:00.000+03:00

Since the World Cup started I usually go to a cafe near by. It's small, usually quiet, a bit expensive but with no minimum charge (an egyptian discovery where you pay for simply sitting either you order something or not) and the best thing is that I get to have my way; volume up, volume down, AC up, AC down, narration in english instead of arabic. Short, I feel like I own the place.

Sadly that was not the case today. A group of 4 girls showed up announcing that they will be a party of 16 (they were actually 18, liars). So my dreams of spending the afternoon watching the game were evaporated and replaced with patiance and self control to handle cigarettes, shrieks and loud LOUD voices.

I like to watch people, so when they settled down and the guys started showing I knew they weren't older than 18. Girls have a tendency to look older than they really are. At 18 it's a plus. The older you get the more that plus turns into a minus.

Anyway, the game was goin (England and Portugal by the way) and I was sitting alone waiting for my best friend to come. She was late but I didn't mind. The game wasn't exciting, normal....

And then I noticed it. He was looking, no not looking, staring. And when I looked, he would look the other way, chat abit with his friends, then return looking at me.

The game went on, both games actually. He looks, I look, Figo passes the ball, Beckham cuts in, he looks away, Rooney is running with the ball, he looks again, a corner is played.... I adjust my top, maybe it's a bit low cut, maybe he's just staring at my boobs (they're not that big to be stared in, but hey maybe it's his taste)... Nope, not the boobs. Maybe my skirt is hiked up. I have finally decided to wear a skirt today. It's an extinct piece of clothing to me, so maybe I just forgot how to operate it. Nope the skirt is fine.

He then looked again. And that's when I realised he was looking into my eyes. Not down my shirt or up my skirt. I have an admirer.
Wow...

When my friend came, I told her and she noticed it too. And then we had this conversation:
D: "That's nice.."
Me: "No it's not. I feel like I'm being watched. I don't like this feeling. Besided he's a kid, he's 18"
D: "In 20 years you'll be happy to have an 18 year old boy look at you like this"
Me: "Actually I think it will be sooner, like in probably 10... and he's not bad looking"
D: "I don't like how he looks. I don't like his bone structure. You know how certain people's looks can make you nervous, even if the person is the sweetest, cutest human being in the world? He looks like that, at least to me."

Penelty shoot out. Some english player shoots and Ricardo, the portugese goal keeper saved it. I screamed, applauded, thinking that Ricardo is my new Hero (it's obvious that I am a Portugal fan). "It's a goal" he said, to my surprise. Without thinking I responded "No it's out, it's not a goal" racing to watch the reply to make sure I was right. With the corner of my eye I saw him grinning. He only said that so I could speak to him. Awwwww....

So contrary to what I said to D. I liked being watched today. It made me feel special, beautiful, attractive and able to turn a head or two. It also gave me something to write about.
Congrats to Portugal and thank you young man for making my day.

Dahab Bombings

2006-04-24T22:14:00.000+02:00

A few hors ago 3 bombs exploded in Dahab a small city near Sharm ElSheikh.
I found my mom rushing to call my uncle who was in Sharm to make sure he's all right. I was confused at first. Another bombing? How did it happen? Where is security? Why now? Why on Easter? And why is it a day before Egypt celebrates getting Taba and all of Sinai back.

I was sick to my stomach that a bunch of cowards who didn't even the guts to blow themselves up. At least the world would be one terrorist (or more) less which is never a bad thing.

Reports on casualties are mixed up. The official Egyptian report says 10 dead (4 foreigners & 6 egyptians) and 62 injured. But according to
other sorces the nuber is higher up.

This bombings happens the same day the Egyptian government is.cracking down on judges. Different people stood today infront of the Judges' Syndicate to show their support to the Judges' battle against the corruption and against the prosecution of two of their colleagues by the government. They were arrested by the "alert" Egyptian police. Nice to know I'm safe guarded by MORONS who arrest judges, professors, students and other harmful "bad" people while letting the nice terrorists kill and destroy my country.

I want to say that I will not be put down by this and that terrorists will never win. But I can't. I feel like everything that has been done to stop the bloodshed here has gone to waist. But still if there's gonna be a protest like the one after the Sharm Bombings count me in.

Those fuckheads will never win.

Back

2006-03-18T22:05:00.000+02:00

I'm back.

I haven't written in such a long time. I didn't want to. I either didn't have time or had the effort to sit down and simply put my thoughts on paper.

But lately I've had too many thoughts. I had the urge of getting them out. So here I go... I will write again, hopfully regularly.

The 8 New Year's resolutions

2006-01-17T17:37:00.000+02:00

2005 hasn't been the best year for me. It hasn't been the worst either. But from everything that happened in it, I will make this New Year's resolutions & hopefully will abide by them.

In this year I had been lucky enough to get closer to my two best friends Mira & Dou. We've been able to share our joy, hurt, secrets and truly enjoy each other's company. And although Dou will leave this summer I hope our friendship will be able to surpass the oceans and continents that will separate us. Also, the new project I might get into with Mira might help us get even closer & have tighter relationships with the other girls getting into the project. So
RESOLUTION#1: Assign more attention to your girlfriends

Unfortunately in the past year I have let my guard down. I trusted people I shouldn't have trusted. I gave my old distrust and fear of my new faces a rest & I was proven wrong. I've been badly hurt and I have only myself to blame. So
RESOLUTION#2: Trust no one, don't let your guard down and listen to your instincts.

Another thing that came to my attention is my health. I have let myself deteriorate last year. I didn't take enough care of myself and I think I might be having the beginnings of an eating disorder. I never liked taking medicine, including vitamins. This made me weaker and more vulnerable to illness. So
RESOLUTION#3: Eat more vegetables and fruit, take vitamins, play sport and take care of your health.

One of my many vices is daydreaming. I sometimes spend hours, mixing it sometimes with planning and strategizing. In the beginning I tried to stop because everything I daydreamed about would happen in real life it's complete opposite. Then everything I daydreamed about happened exactly. In both cases it was completely disastrous. So
RESOLUTION#4: Stop daydreaming; put your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds.

Moody, that's how many people describe. It's not entirely my fault. I'm a Libra. I swing from good to bad, happy to sad sometimes uncontrollably. But yesterday I realized how bad it really is. Bassem said that he feared that someday I would wake up in a bad mood and decide to end things. No cause, just due to the fact that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. "Holly shit", that was my reaction, am I THAT bad? I know I'm not legally insane. Not yet anyway. But these severe mood swings have to go. So does anyone know a 12 step program? Coz:
RESOLUTION#5: Stop severe mood swings.

Family. I'm not a family person. And I'm not talking about the cousins of cousins of cousins. I'm talking about my immediate family. My relationship with my father is cold, messy and has too many unresolved issues. I adore my mum but we rarely see each other and when we do, it's usually all "fun and games". If we ever talk seriously we usually end up irritate each other. My aunts, uncles and cousins are mostly busy most of the time, but a telephone call to tell them hello every once and a while won't kill me, right? So
RESOLUTION#6: Better ties with the family.

It's been a long time since I pampered myself. I can't even remember when I last had some good me time, where I can read a good book, see a nice movie or just treat myself by switching off my head, my phone and only worry about which color of nail polish will better suit my tan. So
RESOLUTION#7: More ME time.

New Year Prayer

2006-01-02T23:53:00.000+02:00

This prayer was sent to me by a dear friend, hope you like it as I did

Grant me the strength from day to day
To bear what burdens come my way.
Grant me throughout this bright New Year
More to endure and less to fear.
Help me live that I may be
From spite and petty malice free.

Let me not bitterly complain
When cherished hopes of mine prove vain,
Or spoil with deeds of hate and rage
Some fair tomorrow's spotless page.
Lord, as the days shall come and go
In courage let me stronger grow.

...

Lord, as the New Year dawns today
Help me to put my faults away.
Let me be big in little things;
Grant me the joy which friendship brings.
Keep me from selfishness and spite;
Let me be wise in what is right.

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye.
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.

Edgar A. Guest

My Rose Color

2006-01-02T16:00:00.000+02:00

You are a Dark Red Rose

You represent unconscious beauty and deep passion.

Your vibe: sophisticated and worldly

Falling in love with you is: wildly carnal and forbidden

What Color Rose Are You?

Wives vs. Husbands

2006-01-02T15:42:00.000+02:00

Got this as a mail forward, it's really funny, enjoy:

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of
mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?"
Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The
reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be
attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his
wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for
an early business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 and he had missed his flight. Furious,
he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have
created
man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece.

Down with the flu, down with exams among other things

2006-01-02T15:00:00.000+02:00

Flu, exams and missunderstanding.
These were my new year celebrations.

I had an exam on the 1st of January at 8:30 am while having the worst and weirdest flu ever.

The flu is over now (weird like I said). Did well in the exam thank God, although I didn't expect to.

I'm a bit tired, exhausted and drained, wish I could go away for just a couple of days to recharge, someplace quiet, with him...

I miss you my love, although I see you everyday, talk to you almost every 2 hors I still miss you.

What Type of Killer Are You?

2005-12-21T17:23:00.000+02:00

You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

Man Rules

2005-12-19T00:07:00.000+02:00

I found these rules on a blog while surfing the blogshere, I was just hitting "next blog" button when I landed on it. I honestly don't remember the name of the blog, but if I'm admitting that I didn't write it or even receive it by mail.
It made me laugh so hard that I had to share it with everyone, so enjoy...

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.
2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.
7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.
33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and you’re out of the man club.

Multiple pollution

2005-12-14T18:54:00.000+02:00

I went out to the balcony to breathe. I wanted to clear my head from what happened today. But outside there was no air, everything was still. No sign of December yet.
I need oxygen to chase our conversation from my head and concentrate on what I'm supposed to be studying… global stiffness matrix, grids, temperature effect… I'm almost done but your words are blocking information from entering.

"Take care of yourself" that's what you said before we hung up "Don't worry I won't kill myself" I said trying to add humor; I'm too much of a coward to kill myself.

Why do remind me of what I thought I forgot. Of my mistakes, of my thought that I now regret… No, no regrets, they don't work, no regrets now they only hurt….
Why do you insist on checking all my closets for the hidden skeletons?

"I want to know about Eve exactly what Eve knows about herself". So you said. But what do I know about Eve. I started discovering her, me lately.
Is she weak or strong?
Is she smart or stupid?
Is she impulsive or wise?
Is she good or evil?
Is "what you see is what you get" or is there layers and masks and a multiple personality complex hidden underneath her "angelic" looks?
Is she…. Whom you love?
After you know what's going on in her head will you discover you made a mistake?
Will you leave her? Break her heart?

Stop surrounding me with questions, doubts, inquiries. The past for me is done, discussing it won't change it, and on the contrary it will bring more heartache, more problems… Problems, I still have 8 problems to solve, effective load vector, the joint equation of equilibrium… big words that means "Do the same thing you usually do, we're just showing off our English".

Don't you understand? You're the only breath of pure oxygen in my multiple polluted life.
Don't suffocate me, don't kill me, don't deprive me from you.

With all these thought racing I watched our elderly neighbor leaving the building to the mosque. He's in his 80s, ha can barely walk. But I see him doing the same trip 5 times a day, rarely missing it. Beside his strong faith in God, I believe that it's his faith in life and in him. It's his way to show the world that he's still alive.
"Yes I might be old, but I'm not dead. I leave my house and take a the same trip daily, I might spend twice, 3 ,4 or 5 times more than another man with a healthy leg, but I still do it"

I was so inspired by Uncle A., so I will prove to myself that I'm still alive. I will purify my life from what's polluting it. But I need you by my side, like I said you're the only breath of fresh air and with your help it will dominate my life.

Love you…

Will You Marry me?

2005-11-28T13:21:00.000+02:00

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

One of my favourite topics to talk about with a particular friend is the marriage proposal. Of course from what we see in the movies we had a hopless romantic point of view.
She wanted him to write "will you marry me" with flowers, and then be taken on board of a plane to see it from above....
Mine was... a bit more realistic, in my opinion the most romantic wedding proposal was the one Richard Gere said to Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride.

I want him to kneel, hold my hand look me in the eye and say: "Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."

UHHHHHHHHHHH

Mid terms

2005-11-18T20:15:00.000+02:00

For the last week I was in a continuous nightmare. MID TERMS. They're the exams that come suddenly, just as you start to get used to this year's system. It changes. The exams are here.

You find yourself having to study at least five subjects in one week, four of them you know nothing about and one you know the main titles. You try to get any information about any subject lectures, sheets, revision,... anything to prevent a BIG FAT F.

This year our lovely administration changed the system of mid terms.
In previous years there was a week for mid terms where lectures were stopped and the entire faculty has exams. This system was fairly good because it gave us the chance to study without worrying about attending lectures, sections or handing in reports and sheets.

But hey a system that ACTUALLY works for the students is EVIL.

They decided that there will be no mid term week and that every professor will decide when the exam for his subject will be. Claiming that this new system will give us a bigger space between exams than just one week.

So, did this "new system" work?

Nope, it failed miserably. I had 4 subjects in one week, a quiz in a section in the middle and they subjects were spaced very idiotically.
I had one on Friday, the following on Sunday ( so far not bad) then a stupid gap, a quiz on Wednesday an exam Thursday afternoon (ended 6 pm) and the last one Friday morning (started at 8 am).

I slept yesterday at around 2 am, woke up at 6:30. Did very poorly in the exam (Rabena yostor) returned, slept, slept and then slept some more. Now I have to sit and study (again). Yeah YUK but I have a quiz tomorrow and tons of things to hand in. And I honestly can't stand to look at any piece of paper at the moment

These people have no mercy.

I need a vacation.

The Reason

2005-11-12T20:45:00.000+02:00

I liked this song from the first time I've heard it. But I never felt the strength of its lyrics like I do now. Thanks for giving me "my reason".

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

Hoobastank, The Reason

My element

2005-11-07T11:42:00.000+02:00

Your Element is Fire

Your power color: red

Your energy: hot

Your season: spring

Like a fire, you are full of power and light.
A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.
You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.
You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.

What Element Are You?

A new arrival

2005-11-07T11:22:00.000+02:00

Saturday my family welcomed its newest member, a beautiful chubby baby girl.
Her mother is "formally" my cousin but in reality she's more like my sister.
I remember we used to sit in the balcony of my house singing, playing, joking and laughing our hearts.
She got married when I was 16; got her first child when I was 18 and now her second baby has arrived to this world.

I have to admit that this was the first time I've ever witnessed childbirth. I was scared, confused, and happy and had no idea what to do or say.
Natural delivery was ruled out after several complications and a c section had to be preformed. I was the first one to the see the baby. She was so red, she was crying her heart out and she had the most adorable cheeks, she was 3 minutes old when I saw her.

I saw her first bath, her first diaper and her first outfit.
Thank God her mom was alright. She was in severe pain and frankly I couldn't take it.
I couldn't handle seeing my sister is such pain while knowing I can't do anything to make it better. I told my mom I'm leaving and went home.

I have witnessed a miracle on Saturday, but what amazed me the most is the sudden rush of love I felt toward her the moment I laid my eyes on her. Amaizing.

No Subject

2005-11-06T23:33:00.000+02:00

To my Bisou

In all my life I never felt
Like this
My heart is like butter
The warmth of your embrace makes it melt
My soul is like sugar
Disappearing with your kiss
How did you change my world
How did you turn me upside down
I'll never know or ever understand
How can the touch of your hand
Make me feel like a queen
Make me feel I'm in a dream
I'm afraid of waking up
And not finding you here
My heart orders me to stop
Assuring me you'll always be near
Ordering me to make my life
Dedicated to your happiness
That I will
Till my dying breath I will

Important announcememt

2005-11-03T01:24:00.000+02:00

Like a ray of sunshine in a chilling winter morning, he brought a sudden feeling of warmth into my life. He cares for me, protects me, he holds me like I'm made of fragile glass, delicately, gently…..

He sneaked into my world and alternated it. I trust him like I never trusted anyone before, I open up to him and let him into my mysterious world that only a few had the honor of entering. He didn't run away, he still calls me his baby.

When he's not around and I start thinking of him I suddenly feel butterflies in my stomach, I smell his scent, and almost feel his breath on my face.
If I see him hurting my soul is ripped apart and when I see him happy every cell is jumping of joy.

With everything said and everything felt I can safely declare that "I love him".
Yes I did say the L word, and I will say it again.

I love you.

Tagged

2005-10-29T22:01:00.000+02:00

Been tageed by Haal and Nightlegend. So it's a tag square... engineering joke, not funny...
Anyways, here goes:

Seven things I plan to do:
1. Study extra hard.
2. Remember my French and Italian (spoken and written)
3. Resume writing.
4. Watch more european movies.
5. Travel abroad alone.
6. Take photography, creative writing and AutoCAD courses
7. Find a summer job.

Seven things I can't do:
1. Study without music.
2. Talk on the phone while there's somebody else in the room.
3. Stop thinking, planning, strategising...
4. Play video games (PS2 and X-Box and stuff like that... don't like it).
5. Ignore my friends' feelings.
6. Watch egyptian TV.
7. Wear a hijab

Seven things I say more often:
1. Ya sala.... (ya salam without the m)
2. 7amas mooooooot
3. To7fa.
4. W eih?....
5. Dih 7aga te2ref ya shei7'
6. Taralalli.
7. Was3a 2awi dih ya 7ssein (any boy is 7ssein and any girl is sami7a, got it from my cousin)

Seven people I want to tag
1. Egyptian Person.
2. Sam
3. Tota
4. Charismatic Soul
5. Lasto-Adri Blue (fellow engineer)
6. Kayla (I know Haal tagged you but just to make it square as well)
7. Anyone else interested

My Addiction

2005-10-24T17:51:00.000+02:00

*Originally written in Ramadan 2003

I miss you. You were my first greeting in the morning; but now, no more. I got used to you without knowing it. I never knew how much you mean to me until I lost you, even if it’s for a while. Every cell in my body is calling out your name. Will I ever be the same without you? Will I ever get used to my new life deprived of you? I believe now what they say about how we never know the value of the dearest things in our lives until we lose them. And now, I know your true value; I’ll never take you for granted again.
I look different without you. People might ask me what’s wrong with me, my face is pale and my eyes are tired. Should I tell them it’s you? Or will they just laugh at me. I don’t think they had you in their lives like I did. You’re my addiction, my love, my cup of coffee…

Diet Pepsi Ad

2005-10-23T20:27:00.000+02:00

diet pepsi ad
Originally uploaded by mesteka.

I just enjoy all of Pepsi's ads. But this one was sent to me by mail and I thought it was very funny that I must share it with you

2005-10-20T13:35:00.000+02:00

I have tons of studying to do. I have 3 reports to hand out on Saturday and a quizz.
But I just can't sit down and study. I have to finish everything today because there will be no studying tomorrow. It's my birthday!!!

Tomorrow I turn 21. I'm finally "legal"....

My friends are taking me out for so7our. The first time I go to so7our with friends and maybe fitar with the family.
I'm really excited, usually I don't like the day of my birthday. I always feel dissapointed. I don't know I expect an amaizing day and no matter what happens it doesn't reach my expectations so I grew to not like it at all. And the day following my birthday is the worst. I feel like "Just yesterday I was extra special and today I'm treated very normal". Don't like that.

But back to the studying. This year is super hard, I have seven subjects two of which I know nothing about. But still I'm really trying to keep up. I attend most of the lectures and I do my best to solve all the sheets (trainings and problems and stuff like that we call them sheets).

However I really don't have much energy for college. I've been studying for a long time (since sanaweya 3amma), and I feel like I need a loooooooooong break.

And Ramadan isn't helping either. Don't get me wrong I like Ramadan. I like fasting and all the spirituality that surrounds this month. But I don't like the la7'bata of the day, the traffic and this year I don't know why but fasting is harder than ever. My blood pressure got very low one day and I almost fainted and stuff like that.

And the professors work like it's just an ordinary month. Same ammount of work, no difference whatsoever... Very strange...

Anyway got to go to study.
Wish me luck

Things about me

2005-10-19T22:52:00.000+02:00

HAVE YOU EVER:

* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: No
* Missed school bcoz it was raining: Yeah
* Been hurt emotionally: Yeah
* Kept a secret from everyone: Sure
* Had a crush on a teacher: No
* Been in love it made you cry: No
* Ever thought an animated character was hot: Yeah, prince Eric from the little mermaid
* Had an imaginary friend: When I was a little girl (his name was Sasso, don't ask..)
* Cried during a Movie: Hell yeah
* Been on stage: Yes and I hate it
* Cut your hair : Yes

FAVORITES

* Shampoo: Sunsilk
* Soap: Dove
* Color: Blues, black, pinks and whites
* Day/Night: Night
* Summer/Winter: Summer (automn actually)
* Fave cartoon character: Cosmo from the fairly odd parents
* Fave Food: Chinese and Italian
* Fave Movies: A Few Good Men, Fight Club, The Whole Nine Yards, Dirty Dancing and Dangerous Beauty
* Fave Subject: Maths & Physics
* Fave 'normal' Drink: Pepsi
* Fave Persons to talk to online: Mood, Pete, Bisou and Mira

RIGHT NOW:
* Wearing: Blue pants and a grey Tshirt
* Hair: light brown
* I'm feeling: happy
* Thinkin about: which subject will I study tonight
* Listening to: Nothing
* Talkin 2: Nobody

IN THE LAST 24 HRS:

* Cried: Nope
* Worn a skirt: No
* Met someone New: Yeah
* Cleaned your room: of course NOT!
* Laundry: No
* Drove a car: No (yupy)
*took a bath?: Yeah
*Did something strange: hmmm... define strange...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

* Yourself: Not all the time
*Your friends: not all of them
* Santa Claus: No
* Destiny/Fate: Sometimes
* Angels: Sometimes
* Demons: Sometimes

FRIENDS AND LIFE:

* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope, single
* Like anyone?: Sort of.. Kinda.. Not sure...
* the loudest?: Nermo
* Who's the shyest?....... Is that a trick question?
* Who's the weirdest? Me
* Who do you go to for advice? Mira
* Who do you cry to? Mira, Dou, my cousin and my aunt.
* What is the best feeling in the world? to be successfull, to feel loved and to be surrounded by my friends and family
* Worst feeling? Feeling alone

I tag everyone on my blogs list

So Unsexy

2005-10-17T11:15:00.000+02:00

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

"So Unsexy" Alanis Moriseettee

2005-10-16T20:24:00.000+02:00

Just got back from the hospital where I was visiting a friend of the family. I have no clue if she's better or worse. Her husband says one thing and her son says another. I really hope she gets better, she's one of the most amaizing, sweet, caring, always smiling, friendly person I've ever met.

But that's not what's on my mind. I feel horrible admitting that, but I have a crush on her son, T.
I really want to show him that I care and that I'm here for him if he needs me, and not some line people say. I want him to notice me, not as the little girl he knows me as. The problem is almost as soon as I decided to make steps to get his attention, his mother became ill. And now it feels so inappropriate.
I hate to see him like this, tired, not eating or sleeping, loosing weight.

The funny thing is, he's been there under my nose for years. I never thought of him that way. I got myself into a number of failed relationships and semi relationships. I claimed not finding the right guy when all of this time he was right here.

Maybe I shouldn't occupy my mind with this entire matter now, and if it's ment to be then it will happen... I wish

Driving in Egypt

2005-10-16T20:11:00.000+02:00

After driving in Cairo for almost a year, I've realised it's a punishment.

From the moment I enter the car, till the second I exit it I am on my nerves.
My five senses are working 110%, I'm sweating like a pig and every swearword I learned, heard or made up is racing on my tongue.

I'm not a nice person while driving.

But here's what funny. I actually like the sensation of driving. Of being in an almost empty street, shifting gear from first... to second... to third..., hearing the car engine roar and feel the wind in my hair...

That almost never happens in Cairo.
What usually happens is this:
Huge buses acting like a motorcicle, the drivers think they are riding a very gracefull machine that could take sudden sharp curves and move from left to right without causing any problems to the other drivers...

Taxis who believe they can stop at any place any time wheather they are actually being hailed or they spot someone standing on the side of the road and psychicly they can tell that he needs a cab....

Cool kids who think they own the streets, they manover through cars at very hight speeds and almost gave me several heart attacks. And of course if one of them is behind me and can't get past me then I'm "a girl" who can't drive...

So now I have a policy. I don't drive unless I have no other option. If a fried who lives nearby is going to my same appointment I just ride with him/her.
I like this new plan, it saves my poor nerves from being destroyed.

Feel

2005-10-08T20:34:00.000+02:00

"Feel"

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her

Scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste

I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand

Robbbie Williams

Dangerous Beauty

2005-10-08T19:31:00.000+02:00

This is a movie that I actually enjoyed a long time ago. It's story goes like this:

In 16th century Venice, courtesans enjoy unique privileges: dressed richly in red, they read, compose poetry and music, and discuss affairs of state with the men who govern the Republic. When Veronica Franco comes of age, she cannot marry Marco Venier, whom she loves, because she is well born but penniless. Her choice: cloister or courtesan. She steels her heart, and with beauty and intelligence becomes the best. She's a heroine when she helps convince France to aid Venice in war with Turkey, but when plague descends, the Church charges her with witchcraft. At her inquisition, she must match wits with an old rival, speak for all women, and call courage from Venier.

Do you know what my daughter's nurse told her today? "In a girl's voice lies temptation - a known fact. Eloquence in a woman means promiscuity. Promiscuity of the mind leads to promiscuity of the body." She doesn't believe it yet, but she will. She'll grow up just like her mother. Marry, raise children and honor her family. Spend her youth in needlepoint and rue the day she was born a girl. And when she dies, she'll wonder why she obeyed all the rules of God and Country for no biblical hell could ever be worse than a state of perpetual inconsequence.

Everytime I remember this quote I'm amazed how 21st century Egypt is exactly like 16th century Venice. Well, without the sophisticated cultural life and advanced army.

Overheard In NY

2005-10-06T12:56:00.000+02:00

Some go to Yale
Some go to jail
Some go to high school
And some go to school high

I just want you to know who I am

2005-10-04T22:52:00.000+02:00

This post is ment for the people I have in my life right now.
For all those who think they know me. And all those who are trying to understand me.

I'm not who you think I am.

I fave finally started to discover my real self. I have started to love it, appreciate it and enjoy getting to know me more.
I was afraid of knowing who I am,o finding my dark side. But with the help of a certain someone, I truely learned that being human is ok. That having bad "qualities" is what makes me unique and gives me my true identity.
I'm not an angel and I am not a devil. I'm a 20 year old girl who is discovering everything around her. And I'm truely enjoying it.

The latest clash that happened with my "friends" taught me that if someone can't accept me for who I am, if someone wants to change the way I think, I talk, I react,... Then fuck them.
I don't need their inner complexes steering my life or personality.
And if someone doesn't take me as a whole package then he is most welcome to leave.

I am a selfish, stubborn, moody, spontaneous, free spirited, confused, smart, cute young woman. What you see is NOT what you get. I have many masks, many identities and I hardly trust people.

Many parts of my character can be missunderstood. People who don't know me closly and see me act normally usually get the wrong impression. But it hurts mee deeply to see someone who knows me very well accuse me of being a slut.

I'm not a slut, I'm just different from the average, normal girl you would probably see in my entourage. But hey, if being called a slut is the consequence of being ME then it's a price I'm willing to pay.

So to all those who tried, try and will try to change me, I can only say... Fuck you

2005-09-20T23:48:00.000+03:00