Saturday, April 19, 2008

Yup I'm Back

Why do I always fall for the unbalanced????
I mean how hard would it be to fall for a normal guy? Someone without all the emotional kalaki3… Why can't I, for once, be in a relationship that doesn't require elaborate and complicated mind games?

I know normal is a loose concept. Who is normal? And what is normal? Who can define normal? And why would I be seeking normal? Normal is bland, tasteless, boring. And I'm an easily bored person, I'm not easily amused and what amuses me today definitely won't in two days.
So normal will never do it for me. I have had many advances from normal people that I, without thought, refused. It's a no brainer for me.

Thus I find myself in this situation today. I am with an emotionally impaired guy. And I'm whining about it. Mind you I knew all his unresolved issues from the very beginning, he warned me. Isn't it sweet? And I like the fool I am, not only accepted it, but also welcomed it. I can fix him. I will be his savior. The one he will always be grateful to. I will release him from all his unresolved issues and lingering pain. I will be his personal Mother Theresa. And also there's the issue of falling in love with him…. But that's beside the point. Let's rationalize this matter without any emotions involved.

From the beginning I told him I need care and attention. I'm spoiled and I get what I want. I wanted him, so I got him… Simple…. Now he is boldly doing what my ex did to deserve this prefix. He is ignoring me. Doesn't answer my calls, doesn't reply to my text messages. I haven't seen him in two weeks and we have officially been together for one month. That's not normal, is it? I mean the first few months are supposed to be the happiest. It's the time where we can't stand being apart from each other, can't keep our hands off each other. But the opposite is happening. I haven't seen him in two weeks, TWO fucking weeks. I call, and call, and call… I leave a dizillion missed call, and nothing, no response, no reaction. I text. I text lovey dovey messages, what-is happening-in-my-boring-day messages, proposals of outings. And what do I get? Silence… Complete and utter silence. And after a while I feel like a big nagger, pushy and sticky. Who wants to be with someone like that? So I back off. And he calls. Of course he has an explanation for every call he missed and every un-replied text. He tells me how much he misses me, and how much he wishes he could be with me everyday. And I believe him. I let it slip. I tell myself that I'm acting like a spoiled brat…..

But it happens again.

He has a demanding job, and so do I. We don't have much time to see each other. And every night after work we don't have any energy to do anything. I know that, I'm very aware of it. But I have the time and energy to at least call, to show him how much I care about him. And I know it doesn't take THAT much time or energy, that is if that person means enough to you…. And apparently I don't…