Saturday, October 29, 2005


Been tageed by Haal and Nightlegend. So it's a tag square... engineering joke, not funny...
Anyways, here goes:

Seven things I plan to do:
1. Study extra hard.
2. Remember my French and Italian (spoken and written)
3. Resume writing.
4. Watch more european movies.
5. Travel abroad alone.
6. Take photography, creative writing and AutoCAD courses
7. Find a summer job.

Seven things I can't do:
1. Study without music.
2. Talk on the phone while there's somebody else in the room.
3. Stop thinking, planning, strategising...
4. Play video games (PS2 and X-Box and stuff like that... don't like it).
5. Ignore my friends' feelings.
6. Watch egyptian TV.
7. Wear a hijab

Seven things I say more often:
1. Ya sala.... (ya salam without the m)
2. 7amas mooooooot
3. To7fa.
4. W eih?....
5. Dih 7aga te2ref ya shei7'
6. Taralalli.
7. Was3a 2awi dih ya 7ssein (any boy is 7ssein and any girl is sami7a, got it from my cousin)

Seven people I want to tag
1. Egyptian Person.
2. Sam
3. Tota
4. Charismatic Soul
5. Lasto-Adri Blue (fellow engineer)
6. Kayla (I know Haal tagged you but just to make it square as well)
7. Anyone else interested

Monday, October 24, 2005

My Addiction

*Originally written in Ramadan 2003

I miss you. You were my first greeting in the morning; but now, no more. I got used to you without knowing it. I never knew how much you mean to me until I lost you, even if it’s for a while. Every cell in my body is calling out your name. Will I ever be the same without you? Will I ever get used to my new life deprived of you? I believe now what they say about how we never know the value of the dearest things in our lives until we lose them. And now, I know your true value; I’ll never take you for granted again.
I look different without you. People might ask me what’s wrong with me, my face is pale and my eyes are tired. Should I tell them it’s you? Or will they just laugh at me. I don’t think they had you in their lives like I did. You’re my addiction, my love, my cup of coffee…

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Diet Pepsi Ad

diet pepsi ad
Originally uploaded by mesteka.
I just enjoy all of Pepsi's ads. But this one was sent to me by mail and I thought it was very funny that I must share it with you

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I have tons of studying to do. I have 3 reports to hand out on Saturday and a quizz.
But I just can't sit down and study. I have to finish everything today because there will be no studying tomorrow. It's my birthday!!!

Tomorrow I turn 21. I'm finally "legal"....

My friends are taking me out for so7our. The first time I go to so7our with friends and maybe fitar with the family.
I'm really excited, usually I don't like the day of my birthday. I always feel dissapointed. I don't know I expect an amaizing day and no matter what happens it doesn't reach my expectations so I grew to not like it at all. And the day following my birthday is the worst. I feel like "Just yesterday I was extra special and today I'm treated very normal". Don't like that.

But back to the studying. This year is super hard, I have seven subjects two of which I know nothing about. But still I'm really trying to keep up. I attend most of the lectures and I do my best to solve all the sheets (trainings and problems and stuff like that we call them sheets).

However I really don't have much energy for college. I've been studying for a long time (since sanaweya 3amma), and I feel like I need a loooooooooong break.

And Ramadan isn't helping either. Don't get me wrong I like Ramadan. I like fasting and all the spirituality that surrounds this month. But I don't like the la7'bata of the day, the traffic and this year I don't know why but fasting is harder than ever. My blood pressure got very low one day and I almost fainted and stuff like that.

And the professors work like it's just an ordinary month. Same ammount of work, no difference whatsoever... Very strange...

Anyway got to go to study.
Wish me luck

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Things about me


* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: No
* Missed school bcoz it was raining: Yeah
* Been hurt emotionally: Yeah
* Kept a secret from everyone: Sure
* Had a crush on a teacher: No
* Been in love it made you cry: No
* Ever thought an animated character was hot: Yeah, prince Eric from the little mermaid
* Had an imaginary friend: When I was a little girl (his name was Sasso, don't ask..)
* Cried during a Movie: Hell yeah
* Been on stage: Yes and I hate it
* Cut your hair : Yes


* Shampoo: Sunsilk
* Soap: Dove
* Color: Blues, black, pinks and whites
* Day/Night: Night
* Summer/Winter: Summer (automn actually)
* Fave cartoon character: Cosmo from the fairly odd parents
* Fave Food: Chinese and Italian
* Fave Movies: A Few Good Men, Fight Club, The Whole Nine Yards, Dirty Dancing and Dangerous Beauty
* Fave Subject: Maths & Physics
* Fave 'normal' Drink: Pepsi
* Fave Persons to talk to online: Mood, Pete, Bisou and Mira

* Wearing: Blue pants and a grey Tshirt
* Hair: light brown
* I'm feeling: happy
* Thinkin about: which subject will I study tonight
* Listening to: Nothing
* Talkin 2: Nobody


* Cried: Nope
* Worn a skirt: No
* Met someone New: Yeah
* Cleaned your room: of course NOT!
* Laundry: No
* Drove a car: No (yupy)
*took a bath?: Yeah
*Did something strange: hmmm... define strange...


* Yourself: Not all the time
*Your friends: not all of them
* Santa Claus: No
* Destiny/Fate: Sometimes
* Angels: Sometimes
* Demons: Sometimes


* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope, single
* Like anyone?: Sort of.. Kinda.. Not sure...
* the loudest?: Nermo
* Who's the shyest?....... Is that a trick question?
* Who's the weirdest? Me
* Who do you go to for advice? Mira
* Who do you cry to? Mira, Dou, my cousin and my aunt.
* What is the best feeling in the world? to be successfull, to feel loved and to be surrounded by my friends and family
* Worst feeling? Feeling alone

I tag everyone on my blogs list

Monday, October 17, 2005

So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

"So Unsexy" Alanis Moriseettee

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Just got back from the hospital where I was visiting a friend of the family. I have no clue if she's better or worse. Her husband says one thing and her son says another. I really hope she gets better, she's one of the most amaizing, sweet, caring, always smiling, friendly person I've ever met.

But that's not what's on my mind. I feel horrible admitting that, but I have a crush on her son, T.
I really want to show him that I care and that I'm here for him if he needs me, and not some line people say. I want him to notice me, not as the little girl he knows me as. The problem is almost as soon as I decided to make steps to get his attention, his mother became ill. And now it feels so inappropriate.
I hate to see him like this, tired, not eating or sleeping, loosing weight.

The funny thing is, he's been there under my nose for years. I never thought of him that way. I got myself into a number of failed relationships and semi relationships. I claimed not finding the right guy when all of this time he was right here.

Maybe I shouldn't occupy my mind with this entire matter now, and if it's ment to be then it will happen... I wish

Driving in Egypt

After driving in Cairo for almost a year, I've realised it's a punishment.

From the moment I enter the car, till the second I exit it I am on my nerves.
My five senses are working 110%, I'm sweating like a pig and every swearword I learned, heard or made up is racing on my tongue.

I'm not a nice person while driving.

But here's what funny. I actually like the sensation of driving. Of being in an almost empty street, shifting gear from first... to second... to third..., hearing the car engine roar and feel the wind in my hair...

That almost never happens in Cairo.
What usually happens is this:
Huge buses acting like a motorcicle, the drivers think they are riding a very gracefull machine that could take sudden sharp curves and move from left to right without causing any problems to the other drivers...

Taxis who believe they can stop at any place any time wheather they are actually being hailed or they spot someone standing on the side of the road and psychicly they can tell that he needs a cab....

Cool kids who think they own the streets, they manover through cars at very hight speeds and almost gave me several heart attacks. And of course if one of them is behind me and can't get past me then I'm "a girl" who can't drive...

So now I have a policy. I don't drive unless I have no other option. If a fried who lives nearby is going to my same appointment I just ride with him/her.
I like this new plan, it saves my poor nerves from being destroyed.

Saturday, October 08, 2005



Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her

Scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste

I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand

Robbbie Williams

Dangerous Beauty

This is a movie that I actually enjoyed a long time ago. It's story goes like this:

In 16th century Venice, courtesans enjoy unique privileges: dressed richly in red, they read, compose poetry and music, and discuss affairs of state with the men who govern the Republic. When Veronica Franco comes of age, she cannot marry Marco Venier, whom she loves, because she is well born but penniless. Her choice: cloister or courtesan. She steels her heart, and with beauty and intelligence becomes the best. She's a heroine when she helps convince France to aid Venice in war with Turkey, but when plague descends, the Church charges her with witchcraft. At her inquisition, she must match wits with an old rival, speak for all women, and call courage from Venier.

Do you know what my daughter's nurse told her today? "In a girl's voice lies temptation - a known fact. Eloquence in a woman means promiscuity. Promiscuity of the mind leads to promiscuity of the body." She doesn't believe it yet, but she will. She'll grow up just like her mother. Marry, raise children and honor her family. Spend her youth in needlepoint and rue the day she was born a girl. And when she dies, she'll wonder why she obeyed all the rules of God and Country for no biblical hell could ever be worse than a state of perpetual inconsequence.

Everytime I remember this quote I'm amazed how 21st century Egypt is exactly like 16th century Venice. Well, without the sophisticated cultural life and advanced army.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Overheard In NY

Some go to Yale
Some go to jail
Some go to high school
And some go to school high

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I just want you to know who I am

This post is ment for the people I have in my life right now.
For all those who think they know me. And all those who are trying to understand me.

I'm not who you think I am.

I fave finally started to discover my real self. I have started to love it, appreciate it and enjoy getting to know me more.
I was afraid of knowing who I am,o finding my dark side. But with the help of a certain someone, I truely learned that being human is ok. That having bad "qualities" is what makes me unique and gives me my true identity.
I'm not an angel and I am not a devil. I'm a 20 year old girl who is discovering everything around her. And I'm truely enjoying it.

The latest clash that happened with my "friends" taught me that if someone can't accept me for who I am, if someone wants to change the way I think, I talk, I react,... Then fuck them.
I don't need their inner complexes steering my life or personality.
And if someone doesn't take me as a whole package then he is most welcome to leave.

I am a selfish, stubborn, moody, spontaneous, free spirited, confused, smart, cute young woman. What you see is NOT what you get. I have many masks, many identities and I hardly trust people.

Many parts of my character can be missunderstood. People who don't know me closly and see me act normally usually get the wrong impression. But it hurts mee deeply to see someone who knows me very well accuse me of being a slut.

I'm not a slut, I'm just different from the average, normal girl you would probably see in my entourage. But hey, if being called a slut is the consequence of being ME then it's a price I'm willing to pay.

So to all those who tried, try and will try to change me, I can only say... Fuck you